Consequences: Mechanics, Shorts and A Lack of Underwear...

There is always the odd "funny" that wends its way into my inbox. This is one of those. I had a little chuckle and thought it was worth sharing.


Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under 
your vehicle. 


From the Daily Telegraph comes this story of a Sydney couple
who drove their car to Westfield Blacktown, only to have their car break down in the
car park.


The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the
car.


The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On
closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under
the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of
underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..


Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
place. 
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.


The NRMA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

The Reason I Do Not Need To Google...

Hopefully this puts a smile on your dial!

If not, at least I tried...

The Royal Wedding: A Preview and A Practice Run...

This is very funny from T-Mobile. T-Mobile have obviously gone to some trouble to track down some real good look-a-likes.

I wonder if Prince William and Kate (aka soon-to-be Princess Catherine) Middleton have watched it and had a little chuckle. Come to think of it, they are probably pretty busy.

Cars, Paint, Accidents: Don't Do it!

If you have ever wondered why you should not carry paint in your car, then here is your answer.

I think these are doing the rounds of the email at the moment. It is going round with the subject line reading something along the lines of "always put the paint in the boot". It also includes a spiel that says the ambulance driver would not let the female paramedic out of the ambulance because she was laughing uncontrollably and that was unprofessional.

The Evolution Of A Corruptor...

Something that I picked up off Facebook...

Good to see that Indonesians, even in these testing times, have a sense of humour.

Optical Illusions...

These can all be found on Yahoo.

There are obviously way more than the select few that I have here, but these are the ones that amused me today.

Perfectly parallel lines. 

Can you see the man? 

Coming or Going? 

This place actually exists, apparently, at 39 Avenue George V in Paris.

And, this is my personal favourite. It is an optical illusion that shows a president where one does not really exist (it really is a photo of an empty chair and a microphone).

What Star Sign Are You?

It seems for reasons of nature and precession there is a need to change the dates of our traditional star signs and add an extra one, Ophiuchus. This makes it the 13th zodiac sign. Is thirteen lucky, or what? Perhaps to my own detriment, I have not really paid all that much attention to my star sign previously. But if I had, then I might be more disturbed than I am now to find out that I am no longer an Aries but a Pisces. It is just as well I never got around to getting that Aries tattoo after all.


Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.

Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.

Pisces: March 11-April 18.

Aries: April 18-May 13.

Taurus: May 13-June 21.

Gemini: June 21-July 20.

Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.

Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.

Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.

Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.

Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

Funny Screen Shots...

Before heading to bed, I figured I would look for a little more light-hearted stuff that I might post about. So, during my cyber travels I came across this site called Banned in Hollywood (BIN). BIN had a series of funny screen shots posted and here is a selection of those.

My apologies to anyone who finds these offensive. I think they are fairly tame and provided me a bit of a chuckle before I head off to bed. Enjoy and Nighty night all!

 More colorful indeed!

Identical twins separated at birth?

 That is one hell of an afternoon storm you have brewing there Mr Weatherman!

 So, what was the prize? A giant condom?

 Reminds me of the following question: What starts with F and ends in UCK? FiretrUCK...

 She does not look to pleased by the prospect of President Obama's "arrival in me", does she? Does this mean that the president is likely to be a "come and leave" sort of a guy?

Seriously? People leave the house dressed like that? I wonder if you have to make the penis pants yourself or can you go to a specialty store for that sort of outfit?

Singaporean Water Polo Team's Sense of Humour?

The Asian Games have been good for the odd odd story, like the Yemeni beach volleyball team claiming they lost their match because the bikini-clad entertainment was too distracting for them. However, the Singaporean Water Polo team might just have taken the cake with their self-designed swim wear.

The swim wear as you can see is a departure from the traditional black swim trunks they used to wear. The new costume is a red get up with the Singaporean flag prominently placed on the front. Now, in conservative Singapore the self-designed outfit was sure to raise eyebrows. This is especially the case when the position of the crescent moon gives the impression of a raging erection. They don't call this type of swim wear budgie smugglers for no reason. Although, when I was a kid they were called dick-stickers.

Anyways, this 'story' gets interesting because in the thriving democratic police state, also known as Singapore, before the flag or any other national emblem or symbol is used on any costume the users have to get the permission of the Minister for Information, Communication and the Arts.

If permission is not obtained prior to use and the use is then deemed to be 'disrespectful' then the users are liable to fines of up to SGD 1000 for their indiscretions.

I will let you be the judge as to whether the use of the Singaporean flag in this way is disrespectful.

Drinking and STDs...

The owner of this wine and liquor store must surely have a sense of humour, right?

I guess this means that the link between excessive drinking and STDs is no longer anecdotal, is it?

The photo came courtesy of The Huffington Post this time (I have seen it before as it has done the rounds of the internet and email inboxes).

Letter of Recommendation...

This is something that came into the inbox today. I have no idea where it originated, but if there is someone out there who does, then I am more than happy to credit it where credit is due.

It is very clever and very funny. I wonder if, with a bit of thought and effort, I could be this clever.

Enjoy!

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

1        Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2        hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3        wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4        thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5        finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6        measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7        breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8        vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9        knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10      classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11      dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12      promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13      executed as soon as possible.


                                          *Addendum*


The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

Oh dear, I wonder how this one might end up?

Fail Blog?

The internet is a place of some truly weird and fascinating stuff. It is also home to some real nasty stuff as well. But, I had never heard of this site until today, failblog.org. Yet, if you are looking to lighten up your day then this might be a place to visit in order to see how the other half lives...

Photoshop? Anyone?


see more funny videos

Well, now back to work!

English to Indonesian...

This post is for all you translators and interpreters out there who sometimes struggle to find the right word or context when moving between English and Indonesian. I received this from a good friend of mine, who in turn received it from a good friend of hers. I figured that I would post it here in my blog because some 24 hours later it still makes me laugh!

To all you non-Indonesian speakers out there, my apologies! But, let me assure you the things said in Indonesian are truly funny. Maybe you should all learn a little! Indonesians are great people and they live in a very beautiful country (kind of like all of us really).

Translation work is always fun. I kind of miss it, kind of.

To all my Indonesian friends, colleagues, acquaintances, or passers by....Enjoy!

And to those who created this fine piece, if you want me to add your names to give you proper credit for this then let me know. On that note, I have just realised that a great deal of these come from the Twitter timeline of Daniel Ziv (@DanielZiv). There are a lot more there so feel free to check them out.


Some say that Indonesian tends to be long winded and not concise. The example below proves otherwise ;)

Ternyata Bhs Indonesia jauh lbh simple dibanding Bhs Inggris.

In English: "Would you care to validate your previous statement?" In Indonesian: "SUMPE LO?!

In English: "Sorry, I think you miscalculated your own capabilities to handle the task at hand." In Indonesian: "Nenek lu kiper!

In English: "Would you care to elaborate on that statement?" In Indonesian: "MAKSUD LOH?!"

In English: "There's a 75% chance I won't make it, I'm far too busy for ur stupid event." In Indonesian: "Insya'allah gw dateng!"

In English: "The meeting will start at 9:15 AM. Please be there 15 minutes beforehand." In Indonesian: "Rapatnya jam 8!"

In English:"Let's try this new scam and see if those carbo-ladden brains buy it" In Indonesian: "Mama minta pulsa"

English: "Please stop by our outlet. There might be stuff you'll find interesting." Indonesian: "Giordanonya, Kakaaak!"

English: "I've stumbled upon something that might be of interest to you. You might find it useful." Indonesian: "CEKIDOT GAN!"

English: "I'm so overwhelmed by this turn of event that I'm speechless and in awe." | Indonesian: "ANJRIT!"

English: "This is a very interesting topic that everybody should stay updated about this." Indonesian: "Sundul, Gan!"

English: "I definitely won't make it. You guys go and have fun without me." | Indonesian: "Ntar gue nyusul."

English: "You're absolutely, positively 100% correct. But I knew that already." | Indonesian: "EMBEER!"

English: "That's so profound. I can't contribute anything further but I need to say something to sound equally smart." Indonesian: "Daleeem."

In english " I'm trying to find the right word for you to understand" In indonesian: " Capeekk deeehhh"

Especially Difficult Children...

I saw this over at The Huffington Post (thanks to Anita McKay for showing the link).

I know some especially difficult children. They, though, are not in need of any charity.

Family Feud...

I used to watch Family Feud as a kid. The show is no longer on Australian TV. However, it remains a staple, apparently, on US TV.

This though is a classic moment. I do not remember questions being asked on the Australian version that would lend themselves to the potential of such 'risque' answers. Yet, this was a question straight out of the unscripted funniest moments play book: "we have surveyed a 100 men and asked them, 'name a part of your body that is bigger now then when you were 16?'".

It is not rocket science to work out what the answer is going to be, but it is really funny to watch.

Enjoy!



Penis moments...

The World According to Americans -- An Alternative View...

No offense intended...

I have spent a fair bit of time in the US, North Carolina to be precise, I went to school there (at least part of my university education was there). I have lots of friends and colleagues who I respect and care for deeply and greatly.

Yet, when I started coming across these maps it reminded me of an incident in a pub in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, called "He's Not Here!" The pub got its name from one of the bar tends who would always respond to any phone call looking for a mate with, "he's not here!"

But, my friends, enough of the reminiscing and that is not the story. My mates and I (men and women, US and Non-US citizens were having a quiet Sunday arvo beer and playing some darts at He's Not Here. It had become a game of "The Brits" vs. "The Colonists" with the Aussies and Yankies being the colonists, and the Poms being the other side. Bloody competitive sport darts is after a few beers.

Anyways, we had been playing for a while, enjoying ourselves, and knocking back the beers from these excessively large 32oz blue plastic cups. Then our moment was rudely interrupted by a couple of unknowns who had deduced from our accents that the majority of us were not from around those parts. Good observation. I had a sense that things would go down hill from there so I buggered off to the bar, after all it was my shout.

But, before I could beat my hasty retreat one of the interlopers asked where I was from. I proudly said Australia! To which this rocket scientist replies, "so, how do you find it to be able to take train trips all throughout Europe?" At this point, I turned on my heel (no pun intended seeing North Carolina is the Tar Heel State) and went to the bar shaking my head!

So, that my friends, is the reason I post another of the maps of the World According to Americans for your viewing pleasure.

Religion -- A Warning...

From here.

The World According to Americans...

nuff said?

Science vs. Faith...

Something that I uncovered on my daily jaunt into the cyber-world. It is truly amazing what can be uncovered without even trying to find stuff.