Most office workers would be better off in prison

I have gotta say that I rarely cut and past full articles of things that I find on the Internet.

This is not because of copyright (although perhaps I should be more conscious of this) but because it is not usually the case I need the whole piece to illustrate a point.

This "opinion" piece is written by Nury Vittachi. Nury is the writer of the "Travellers' Tales" column in the Far Eastern Economic Review (or at least was at one time).

This particular opinion piece was published in the Jakarta Post here.

The whole opinion piece sounds like a sociological study waiting to happen. My view is that Nury should volunteer to spend a couple of weeks or a month in prison. This would give him a valuable insight to what prison is really like.

He then could write a follow-up piece titled, "Why Office Workers Are Better Off Not in Prison".

My guess is that if a prisoner is waving at you through the bars and giving you the full salute with something other than his hand then this is likely not something that is indicative of happiness but a gentlemen with no other outlets to express himself. Although, Nury states that looking through the bars helped to put his life into perspective. I am hoping that perspective is that no matter how much working in an office might suck, it sure as hell beats doing a stint in prison.

Nope, I somehow doubt that as an office worker I would prefer to be in prison.

Anyway, my view is that this Nury taking the piss, a tongue in cheek look at the things he hates about his office. Nevertheless, it is called an opinion piece and it follows here in full:

I used to live near a prison. There was a guy on the top floor who used to wave his hand at me through the bars. Actually, it wasn't just his hand.

But the thing that struck me was that he always looked so happy. For some reason, this annoyed me intensely. I wanted to shout:you: Stop being happy." But then I realized that I would sound like my former employers, who were always hollering that at me.

Looking through the barred windows as I walked past, I absorbed numerous lessons which helped me put my life into perspective.

In prison, he spends most of his time confined to a space measuring three meters by three metres.

At the office, I spend most of my time confined to a cubicle measuring 1.5 meters by 1.5 meters.

In prison, he gets a healthy, early night every night.

At the office, I work late so often I'll probably end up with an ulcer.

In prison, he gets time off for good behavior.

At the office, I get extra work assignments for good behavior.

In prison, he gets all the food and drink he needs prepared for him by trained catering staff, three times a day, seven days a week.

At the office, I can help myself to free water from the water cooler.

In prison, he can watch television and read through a library of books.

At the office, I'll get sacked if I get caught watching a clip on YouTube.

In prison, he'll spend a lot of time in quiet contemplation about the important things in life.

In the office, mindless inconsequential activity fills my every second.

In prison, he gets a toilet to himself.

At the office, I share a toilet with a building-full of people less toilet-trained than my pets.

At the office, I spend more money than I can afford making sure my clothing matches that of my colleagues.

In prison, everyone gets free, color co-ordinated outfits.

In prison, there are sadistic, evil creatures called warders who will torment him.

In office life, there are sadistic, evil creatures called employers who torment me.

In prison, one's working days are short and sweet.

In my working life, I arrive at the office before the sun has risen and leave after it's dark.

In prison, he doesn't have to take work home with him.

In my job, I arrive every morning with a fat briefcase and leave with a fatter one.

In prison, he never has to worry about paying bills for utilities and other things.

In the life of a modern office-worker, I worry about paying bills all the time.

At the office, I spend hours every day wading through a sea of spam.

In prison, he just gets one small square of Spam a week, on Tuesdays, with a side salad.

In my work life, I pay a fortune for a gym membership, but never have time to go.

In prison, the gym is free and he has plenty of incentive to keep himself in good shape, especially when taking a shower.

In my office life, I often feel pressured to be in three different places at once.

In prison, this is probably not really an issue.

The writer is a journalist and columnist. He can be reached at www.vittachi.com

Religion and Happiness

The following quote I have seen many times before and it is hidden away in my collection of famous quotes somewhere. However, on this occasion I would like to thank Creepy for reminding me of it by posting it as his "quote of the day".

"Some of you say religion makes people happy. So does laughing gas. So does whiskey."

-- Clarence Darrow

Kinky Sex -- The Key To Happiness?

One might wonder what the key to happiness is. At least in some ways that question seems to have been answered, kinky sex. Any desires Australia might have harboured of conforming to some perceived drab and dreary sexual norm has been shattered by a recent sex survey which found that there are many Australians who enjoy bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism (BSDM). This kind of sexual practice involves role play.

This was not a survey of just a few hundred people. The survey questioned some 20,000 people and found that contrary to wide-held beliefs that the practitioners of these kinds of sexual pleasures were not damaged and dangerous as a result of their preferences. The study also found that BSDM was also not practiced as some kind of reaction to previous sexual abuse. But never fear the practitioners account for a mere 2% of Australians.

The survey was conducted by public health researchers from the University of New South Wales. The findings have been published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The fact that 2% of Australians partake in BSDM is not so surprising, but the fact that the findings of the survey suggest that they are happier than most others is a surprise. I took a couple of psychology courses at university and was always taught that BSDM was deviant sexual behaviour and that the practitioners were in some way damaged goods and in need of specialized intervention in order for recovery to be achieved.

It may now be the case that people looking for a little happiness might want to consider a healthy bondage or discipline session.

The findings might be good for business for those sex shops that supply the necessary equipment for a good ol' bondage and discipline session.

Tryptophan

It is being reported that research into tryptophan is showing that the conversion of this amino acid into serotonin makes people feel happier about their lives. So, the belief is that perhaps this amino acid can play a role in alleviating the symptoms of depression and anxiety. My advice would still be to seek professional help no matter what the scientologists say! However, having a little knowledge of how diet can help you will never go astray.

The report suggests that foods high in tryptophan will be most beneficial to lifting your mood from that of melancholy to something a lot more cheerful. The foods identified so far include mung beans, lobster, turkey, asparagus, sunflower seeds, cottage cheese, pineapple, tofu, spinach, and bananas. The food I eat least on this list is lobster because it it too expensive for my taste buds (except on rare and special occasions).

My question is this:

If I was to supplement with tryptophan because I felt I was not getting enough of the amino acid through my diet, can I over-compensate and get too much tryptophan and end up being too happy?

Or is it like other supplements where you just pee away the excess? There is nothing like pissing your hard-earned salary down the toilet!

Nevertheless, I guess if it makes you feel better what harm is there in that. Some people can always do with feeling a little better, particularly if it is the difference between a good and a bad day!