Report: 93% Of Drunk Drivers Get Home Just Fine

This is why I read The Onion!

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the National Institutes of Health, 93 percent of those who get behind the wheel while intoxicated arrive at their homes safe and sound, just like they told everybody they would. "Most of these people are barely even buzzed, and 87 percent of the time they're driving primarily on back roads for distances of like, eight miles, tops," said the study's lead author, Dr. Henry Tillman, adding that the vast majority of inebriated drivers stuck with only beer all night, so they were totally fine. "Roughly 64 percent of drunk drivers have cousins who are cops anyway, so it's really no big deal." The study concluded that a mere one in 15 drunk drivers end up dying in a cascading torrent of fire, so, you know, odds.

At least now I can tell anyone contemplating getting behind the wheel after having a few beers, wines, or shots that they have a 93% chance of getting home if the coppers do not catch you first. Or in terms of chance, they have a one in fifteen chance of killing themselves.

Good luck to all the risk takers.

More Shark Stories

I am not a huge fan of sharks but have never found it necessary to prove my courage by going and searching one out for a close encounter of the toothy kind! However, it seems that once you hit on one story then more on the same theme pop up all over the place.

The last couple of shark stories have focused on Australia. However, this little ripper comes from the US of A. To be specific the story comes out of Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts, which ironically enough also happens to be where they shot the classic film, Jaws.

Edgartown was the location of an unconfirmed sighting of a great white shark. Obviously, these sharks like to do the rounds of the world's oceans because this is the same type of shark that was reported to have made its way into a lake and estuary system in Australia.

The sighting forced the closures of a couple of beaches in the area and a spotting plane was launched to try an locate the shark. But the shark had obviously chosen to go hunting elsewhere as it was not spotted in the area again.

Shark attacks are apparently rare in that part of New England however I am pretty sure that I would not want to be a statistic that started a new trend towards more frequency.

I still love to swim in the ocean. I guess the law of averages catches up to all of us sooner or later!

Aries -- My Horoscope for Today

Welcome back to the working week. Communications will be more emotive, so you should be very clear on how you express your thoughts and feelings to others. Ensure that you know exactly what you are about and if you are given instructions know exactly what you're supposed to do - don't leave anything to chance. You may find that you become concerned with about what's happening in other places of the world and you may travel more and process information in a different way than usual.

This is kind of close to what my day is going to be like. I have a serious email to send to my employers regarding my new work contract and whether I am going to accept the terms and conditions and stay or demand some changes. This is likely to be an emotive discussion.

But horoscopes are like statistics you can read anything that you want into them if you look hard enough!

Blogging Statistics...

This might be called a recurring theme for me but it remains one of interest! I would guess that based on my stats sex or sex-related material gets the visitors in but it does not get them back over and over again. So, then the real question is how to increase visitors, particularly repeat visitors, without resorting to time tested tactics relating to sex!

Controversy always works and my posts on the last supper still draw a good number of hits. The posting of the accompanying pictures to those posts was a worthwhile deal because some were hard to track down at first (although they are not so hard to track down anymore).

Yet, the killer here I think is that if what you are posting is readable and interesting then people will keep coming back. I also think that if you write it as you see it, the idea of calling things based on your personal experience, then you make a personal connection with the reader without ever having to meet them in person! So, in that sense it does not matter whether you are anonymous or you reveal your true identity. Two examples of this are my blogging colleagues Jakartass and Rima Fauzi.

I return to both their blogs because I enjoy reading what they write as much as I enjoy how it is written. I should also give a shout out to the other blogs I read, all of which are in my blog roll. But, a special mention to the ones I read most often such as Treespotter, GJ, Greenstump, Dilligaf, and Finally Woken (all linked in my blog roll -- check them out!).

However, as I have already written many times, I blog to amuse and humor myself! If I do happen to amuse and humor others along the way then so be it! I never really started doing this blogging thing for recognition, personal or otherwise, so stat numbers are not so crucial to me or my existence. The idea that someone is reading what I write is intriguing to me but that is about as far as it goes. Nah, I am competitive and I like to win and I like to be the best, but I am also a realist and this reminds me of an analogy involving bodybuilding and working out!

"There is always going to be someone bigger than you out there!" So, don't get too caught up in the ego of this. Simply, there is always some one out there prepared to work harder, do more, or take more steroids to be the best! I am struggling to be just happy being me right at this moment in time without putting on any added pressure on myself of having to be the absolute number one blogger in Indonesia and the world!

By the way...the other thing that seems to drive visitors is posting good pieces and posting often. If I can visit and see something new each time I visit I tend to keep visiting other blogs. So, I reckon it would be the same for others who visit me...

More Sex = More Visitors in a Statistical Sense

Sorry readers...

But in an effort to boost visitors to my blog I have decided to increase the frequency of "naughty" posts. You know the ones, the ones about sex, any and all kinds of sex, perhaps even pictures and film, maybe even a snuff movie! (Oops, I think I am letting on that I know too much about this subject matter!)...

Just kidding! Yet, as sad as it is for me, my statistics are showing a definite trend towards south, they are hardly in free-fall (probably because they are not high enough to free-fall anyway) but there is no upwards trending going on here. So, back to the point! A few posts about a teenager proposing provocatively in a swimsuit and a child genius morphing into an escort were good statistically in terms of attracting visitors. Unfortunately, my other offerings have proven to be far less attractive!

However, I am not in this game to become the most popular blogger in the universe but rather I am in it to humor myself! And humor myself I do!

Good weekend to all!